Floating in a most peculiar way

In a couple of days, at the age of 73, I will have my first ever colonoscopy. My GP is insistent – because I have anemia. Although my iron levels are excellent and my red cell count is spot on, I am lethargic.  So, she want to be sure there is nothing else going on, like an undetected internal bleeding.

The phrase “floating in a most peculiar way” resonates with me, right now. Taken, of course, from the David Bowie iconic song, it vividly describes my feeling of facing an unreal situation.

It’s my fault.

It’s my own fault.  I didn’t do my poo test. Twice.

I got the Government kit several years ago. Completely disregarded it. That was before I became a breast cancer survivor.

After almost five years of blood tests, mammograms, ultrasounds and finally being declared “clear,” my GP, who is one of the most caring, thorough medical practitioners I have ever met, wants just one last thing checked. There’s very little else to check!

Anemia is terribly undiagnosed in teenage girls, and young mothers.

I have been chronically anemic all my life. One of those things you tend to forget, until there is a reason to remember it.  Like being anemic all through my teenage (girl) years and having to take iron supplements.  Spending a couple of weeks late into my second male pregnancy, when my first son was only 14 months old at that time, because I was collapsing from my anemia. It was thanks to my Mum that the Doctors finally recognised the issue and hospitalised me, for two weeks rest.

Being struck with a case of “floating in  a most peculiar way” after the birth of my daughter, undoubtedly the ongoing anemia and resulting lethargy was the real issue. But, being in the middle of a marriage breakdown at the time, it was very hard to make sense of anything physical.

Years later, I see what I thought was post-natal depression was, in fact, not that at all.

The dreaded “white diet”

Today I continue the dreaded “white diet” and the truth is I have not eaten very much at all. It’s very hard to get your appetite up to eat what’s on the list. I am concentrating on keeping my fluids up, Tomorrow, after 5:00pm I start the “cleaning out” medications and I have no doubt my appetite will disappear altogether.

With my procedure scheduled for 7:15am – and my last medication intake at 4:00am in the bloody morning, I suspect I will be “floating in a most peculiar way” for the next few days.

Failure to take care of myself

It’s no secret (well, to me at least) that I have failed to properly address dietary issues which contribute to my sense of “disconnect” and lethargy.

• I don’t eat often enough.
• My bottle of prescribed B12 tablets sits unattended on the kitchen bench and frankly, I never bothered to find out why I needed them. Again, it’s my fault.
• When Robbie was alive, he did all the cooking. Wonderful Indian food.  I loved it.
• While my Dad lived with me, up until his 97th year, I had to make sure we had good food on the table every single day.

But, for the past two years, since Dad went into care, I have lived alone and my attention to my diet has lapsed. Very badly. It’s true that Diet is critical to managing anemia and I have to be more attentive.

So, when this medical experience is over, I promise I will take better care of myself.

I ask you to wish me luck, and safe landings.

UPDATE: 

I am delighted to report back that the procedures all went according to plan.  I have absolutely no sign of cancer or internal bleeding (top or bottom) and the specialist said I am to come back in FIVE YEARS.This ROCKET GIRL has landed safely.

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